Ten Reasons Why
by Merusa
Summary: Love doesn't just stop, but you don’t always marry the love of your life. Ten moments between Neville and Luna during Deathly Hallows. Ten reasons why love doesn’t always mean forever.


Notes: **These are not in chronological order.** The majority of the scenes happen in the Room of Requirement.

"Gold dust is precious, but when it gets in your eyes, it blurs your vision."  
- Xiatang

_  
one_

She was always the one to walk away.

It was as if she couldn't handle the harsh words, the murmured protests, the weak arguments that slipped from his lips. He wanted to talk- about the war, about what was happening inside of the school, about how _inadequate_ he felt when he thought about what Harry was out accomplishing- but she would frown, lines marring her smooth, pale features, and say, "Neville, dear, you and I are not about that."

And, as if that solved everything, she'd turn on her heel and walk away, blonde waves swirling softly in the vortex she created.

_  
two_

"Oh, Merlin," Neville murmured, I hate the Forbidden Forrest."

Neville clutched Luna's hand. Luna smiled dreamily but didn't look up at him.

Ginny snorted. "Just be grateful our detention is with Hagrid."

Neville nodded fervently in agreement.

Luna giggled.

"What?" Ginny snapped.

"Wrackspurt." Luna giggled again.

Ginny huffed and strode ahead of them, towards the brightly lit windows of Hagrid's hut.

Neville scowled after her. "That was rude."

Luna shook her head. "It's fine. She just misses Harry."

Neville looked down at her. "I thought they broke up?

She returned the look. "Just because they broke up doesn't mean she stopped loving him. Love doesn't stop."

Oddly unnerved, he looked away.

_  
three_

"Luna- I want to make love to you." His hands were shaking and he was sweaty but damnit, he was a Gryffindor, and if this was going to happen he wanted to do it properly and talk to her first. He clasped his hands behind his back in an attempt to stop their shaking.

She looked sad, for some reason. "No. You can't. We could never make love."

He was startled. "Oh. I didn't know you wanted to wait." He found it strange that a girl like Luna would be so old-fashioned.

She giggled. "No, silly. Certainly, you and I are going to end up fucking. But we could never make love."

He was startled. "What?"

She shook her head. "It just wouldn't happen." She was so casual about it, so comfortable with the notion, that Neville didn't quite know how to react.

His gut instinct, though, was to pry further. "Luna? Are you a virgin?"

She giggled again. "Silly. Of course I am." She snatched her copy of _The Quibbler_ out of her bag and plopped onto his desk. She pulled her Spectrespecs out of her cleavage and put them on, then started reading.

He gaped at her, mouth slightly open.

A few moments passed before she felt his gaze and looked up. She cocked her head slightly, frowning. "Oh? Did you want to keep talking?"

_  
four_

"I like your hair like this."

They were curled together inside of her bright purple hammock, his head cradled in her lap.

"Hmm?" He opened his eyes. He'd been dozing

She smiled. "I like how long it's gotten." She twirled a split end around her finger. "It's soft, but it's wild. Wild like you."

"My grandmother would hate it."

She giggled. "I highly doubt I'm you're grandmother. I mean, with time travel, it's certainly possible, but not probable."

"Love, I don't think time travel beyond a few hours is possible. Time turners can only take you so far."

She winked at him. "That's what they want you to think."

He smiled softly, and shook his head at her. "My girl."

She shook her head. "I only belong to myself."

"That's what I want you to think."

"Go back to sleep."

Chuckling, he allowed his eyes to drift close.

_  
five_

"I don't want you to go."

Luna gently smiled at him. "I'm not gone for long, dear."

He frowned back. "I just have this horrible feeling about this."

She shook her head, and cupped his face in her hands- a favorite gesture of hers. "You'll be fine without me."

He closed her eyes and leaned into her touch. He shook his head, once, firmly.

"You will." She pushed up on her toes and pulled him down slightly so she could kiss his forehead, then released him.

He shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn't understand why he felt so horrible about her leaving. Sure, he loved her, but she would be back, and better yet, she would be safe for a few weeks.

He sighed. "I love you, Luna."

She giggled. "Dear Neville, what will you do when I'm really gone?"

He frowned. "Don't joke about that."

She giggled harder, and grabbed his hands. "That's not what I mean, silly."

He hated when she did that- but suddenly, he didn't want to know what she meant. Instead, he gathered her close and kissed her, hard, as if he was trying to mark her lips with his.

_  
six_

The first time they made love, it took him entirely by surprise.

They'd gotten close a few times, but that night, he wasn't even thinking about sex at first. He'd been beaten and bruised protecting her, and had really just wanted to hold her.

They snogged for a while, and his hands wandered but he managed to keep from crossing any boundaries. His tenuous grasp on his control began to slip, however, when she'd taken his hand and tugged it underneath his skirt. He growled in frustration and dropped his head down, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. "Luna, you can't tease-"

"Shh," she murmured. She pushed his hand further up his skirt and he groaned out loud. "Merlin, you're not- you're not wearing any-"

She frowned at him. "Well, knickers would just get in the way. It seemed silly to wear them when I knew I was going to fuck you."

He gaped at her, frozen completely on the spot. He was painfully aroused and wanted to just _act_, but this was important, this was their first time, and they had to talk about this. "Luna."

"Neville." She smiled, and shifted his hand so that he was cupping her.

He gasped. "Fuck. Luna."

Her smile widened. "That's the idea."

Now desperate, he kissed her.

They came together twice- the first time was painful for her, and he had wanted it to fix it. Afterwards, he'd pulled her close, exhausted but happy. She smiled, content, and snuggled so she was spooned against him.

He stroked her hair. "Luna?"

"Hmm?"

"I-" his voice cracked. He cleared his throat. "I- you mean a lot to mean."

She smiled, and lazily began tracing circles on his hand. "You mean a lot to me, too."

He nodded, feeling himself blush. Merlin, was he a man or not? He could sleep with her, but he couldn't say three words?

He cleared his throat again. "Luna Lovegood."

She glanced over her shoulder. "Neville Longbottom." Her tone was matter of fact.

"I- I l-love you."

She stiffened in his arms.

He smiled. He had said it. "I love you, Luna."

She sat up. "Oh. Oh, Neville."

Dread, cold as ice, gathered in his stomach. "Yes?"

Suddenly, she relaxed. "You're so lovely, you know." She smiled dreamily. She touched his shoulders and brought him down, gently, so that his head lay on her bare thigh.

He was confused. "Luna?

She shook her head. "Shh. Sleep now, dear." She began to play with his hair.

He wanted to protest, but he was exhausted, and in spite of himself, he was asleep within a minute.

_  
seven_

Luna plopped down next to him at Gryffindor's table. She grabbed a blueberry muffin off his plate.

He smiled at her, bemused. "Good morning, Luna."

"I dreamt about you last night."

Ginny snorted into her coffee. Neville gave her a look, and she looked back at him innocently.

Luna ignored her. "You were sword fighting."

He frowned. "Sword fighting?"

She nodded. "Sword fighting. Meet me in the Room later?"

Startled, he nodded back.

She smiled, then stood and skipped out of the Hall.

"You like her."

Neville looked at Ginny. "Yeah, I do. What about it?"

Ginny was frowning. "Nothing. Just…be careful."

He was surprised. "Ginny, I'm not going to hurt her if I can help it."

She seemed to be choosing her words carefully. "That's not what I mean, I know you wouldn't do that. I just mean, you should take your time with…everything."

He choked on his tea. "Ginny!" he hissed. "We're just kissing right now! And even if we did do- that- it would be none of your business."

She rolled her eyes. "Again. Not what I meant."

He was baffled. "Then what the hell do you mean?"

She sighed, visibly frustrated. "You know what, just forget it." She too stood and left the room.

Neville sat in stunned silence. He wasn't exactly sure what had just happened.

_  
eight_

As soon as they were alone, he clung to her. "Luna. Merlin, I was so worried."

"I'm okay, Neville."

"You were in _Malfoy Manor_. God. Thank Merlin they got you out of there-"

She giggled. "Thank House Elf, actually.

He pulled away. "This is not a time to joke!"

She laughed. "There's always time to joke."

He growled. "Not always."

He kissed her.

She giggled against his lips.

He pulled away, frowning. "Luna, I need you. You're back, and I feel like- I need to make sure-"

"I'm fine, Neville. Now kiss me." She was still giggling.

Moments later, he finally managed to make her stop.

_  
nine_

"So what was I to you?"

She shook her head. She would not answer.

"Luna. Answer me. Did I mean anything to you?"

She simply looked at him.

"Damnit!" He slammed his fists against the wall. "This. All of this. This meant nothing?"

Still, she stared.

He glared back. "I love you, Luna."

Nothing.

He was shaking now. "So, what? The school year is over, so we're over? That's it?"

Finally, she answered. "We both know what this was, Neville."

"Well, clearly, I didn't." His face reddened, and to his horror, he felt his eyes welling up. "Clearly, this meant a hell of a lot more to me then you." He turned to walk out of the room.

"I never fucked Dean."

He froze. "What did you just say?"

"I never fucked him, Neville. It was just you. It was always just you."

He turned and stared at her. "But now it's over."

She nodded. "Yes. Now it's over."

His hands started shaking again. "But _why_?"

She smiled at him, softly. "Because every time we look at each other, we'll remember this year, and this year was a lot more than just us."

She walked up to him and cupped his face in her hands. "Love, you've meant the world for me. But this ends now, because it the long run, it will be easier." She brushed her lips against his, and walked away.

As soon as the door closed behind her, he fell to his knees. He felt lost and confused and he hated himself for it, but he cried.

_  
ten_

The first time they kissed, it had taken him entirely by surprise.

He'd been sulking in the Room of Requirement, wondering at the task Harry had undertaken and trying to figure out his part, his path. Because he had a part to play, he just _knew_ it, knew that he had to be more than that silly, clumsy boy he felt stuck inside of. He needed something, something he couldn't name, but it ached inside of his heart.

Lost in thought, he barely noticed when she slid into place on the cold stone next to him until she leaned over and kissed him. It was swift and gentle, and he barely felt the cool press of her lips against his before she pulled away.

He'd been shocked. "Luna? What-"

"You'll do great things, Neville Longbottom." She smiled.

He looked at her, really looked at her, considering. The Room was supposed to give you what you needed, always. Maybe Luna was what he needed.

Her smile seemed to widen, but when he leaned in to kiss her again, she stood up. He jumped to his feet. "Luna, I…" his voice caught in his throat.

She had already walked away.


End file.
